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Frustrations January 13, 2010

Posted by Jorge in Personal Thoughts.
3 comments

I chose to write my anxiety here rather than to write it publicly.

I really feel so bad this past few days. God is really testing my faith.

‘There’s no perfect community’, warning sa akin ng isang semenarista nung nasa Malaysia pa ako. Totoo pala.

Akala ko I’m doing good sa community. Akala ko marunong akong makisama. Akala ko magiging mabait sila sa akin. Nde pala. Nagkamali ako, nde ako nag-ingat.

Nung una palang, nakita ko na ang tunay nilang ugali. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, ‘These are the people that I should be careful with’. Pero sabi ko naman, kung magiging mabait ako sa kanila, siguro naman they will spare me.

Sila ang tipong magkukumpol-kumpulan at magcchismis chismisan at gagawa ng story out of the gossips and theories nila. Nde mawawala ang isang meal ng wala silang nilalait, pinagcchismisan, tinatawanan, sinisiraan.

Nde ako nakikijoin sa mga paninira nilang iyon dahil nde ko naman talga gawain un. Nakikitawa lang ako bilang pakikisama, though talga namang nakakatawa. Napapaisip din ako minsan, pano kung ako nmn ang pagtawanan nila? Pano kung ako nmn ang gawan nila ng story? Bigla akong napapahinto sa pagtawa.

Wala silang pinatatawad. May mga pari, semenarista, kaibigan at pati mga kapwa pre-novices. Eto na nga, kasama na ako. Wala talgang patawad.

Nde ko talga inakala na kasama ako sa ginagawan nila ng istorya ngaun. Akala ko naging mabuti akong kaibigan para sa kanila. Nde pala. Nakakalungkot. Nakakadisappoint. Nakakafrustrate.

May isa akong kasamahang pre-novice at maituturing kong isang mabuting tao at totoong kaibigan. Malaki ang pinoproblema nya ngaun. Mabigat ang loob nya dahil nde naging maganda ang ‘pagkakataon’ sa kanya. Nde ko na uungkatin pa kung ano iyon, ang masasabi ko lang, iyon ay mabigat at kailangan ng malawak na pang unawa. Sa madaling salita, kailangan nya ng tulong, napakalaking tulong.. ang may makinig sa kanya.

Natutuwa ako dahil napili nya ako para paghingan ng sama ng loob. Nag-usap kami sa labas ng Arvisu isang gabi. Nde ko aakalaing dun pala magsisimula ang walang kakwentang kwentang bagay na pagffiestahan ng iba.

Pinagtagpi tagpi nila ang mga shout outs namin sa facebook. Ako kasi, binago ko ang status ko from single to in a relationship. Ang dahilan ko ay between God and me nalang, wala nmn yata akong dapat i-explain. Meron pa ba?

In short, pinaghihinalaan kami ng kaibigan kong ito na may relasyon daw kami. For God’s sake, nakakapandiri sila! Naghaharutan daw kami sa labas ng Arvisu. Ganun na ba kakitid ang mga utak nila? Nde ba nila alam kung ano ang pinag uusapan namin? Totoo na tumatawa kami paminsan minsan dahil gusto ko namang pagaanin ang situation at para narin maramdaman nya na masaya parin ang buhay although it is full of disappointments.

I was so disappointed, so frustrated and so angry. Wala na ba silang story na magagawa at kami naman ang pinagdidiskitahan ngaun? Wala talga silang patawad.

Pinapanalangin ko ngaun sa Diyos na sana naman may justice ito at malinawagan ang kanilang mga isip. Alam kong nde na sila magbabago pero sana lang maging sensitive sila sa paligid nila at tigilan na nila ang paggawa ng mga non-sense stories.

Bahala na ang Diyos sa kanila.

Answered Prayers October 12, 2009

Posted by Jorge in Personal Thoughts, Prayers.
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I have been known as a cry baby and I guess I will always be.

I attended the Mass yesterday morning, it was first and last time to attend the mass in Sunday morning. I normally attend mass on Saturday afternoon because I have to work on Sundays but since I was on leave yesterday, I took the chance of attending the earliest mass and since it was my last mass here in Kuala Lumpur, I want it to be kinda special.

Well, as it turns out, there’s really nothing special with the morning mass. Obviously, the Gospel will still be the same and even the priest. The few differences are the glowing morning sunshine the passes thru the stained glass windows, the parishioners who happens to be older and the choir consists of old aunts and uncles.

Even the lead singer in the choir made a lot of mistakes, it didn’t bothered me. I myself cannot sing, so why do I care? I know God doesn’t listen to the out of tune song, but instead, in the heart of the one who sings.

Before the mass, I prayed that He may give me the right path and to guide and bless me for my decision. I was scared and the feeling of uncertainty keeps playing on my head. I ask for peace and signs.

I was so stunned when I opened the Gospel Book and I saw the Gospel for the 28th Sunday of the ordinary time from Mark 10:17-30. I love the part when a man ran up to Jesus and ask what he should do to inherit the Kingdom of God and when Jesus answered him, “You are lacking in one thing. Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” I was so surprised not because the man walked away, but the meaning of this Gospel is directly telling me that I should leave everything to follow Him.

During the entire homily, my mind is wondering if this is the answered prayer that I asked a while ago or this is one of the signs that I’ve ask (oh yeah, I always ask for signs..). I also jokingly said, ‘Si Lord talaga, mapagbiro.. literal ang pagsagot sa dasal ko..

Everyone is called to follow Him. This Gospel from Mark is not only for the aspirants who desires to enter the religious life but for everyone who believe.

God asks me to follow Him. He wants me to leave everything that I have and owned. He wants me to fully serve Him and His children. He wants to use me for His missions. He wants me to save souls. He wants me to sacrifice my own personal contentment. He wants me to follow Him. He wants me to follow Him.

I began to have teary eyes. I’m trying to control it by looking around, listen to the out of tune choir, scratching my head and legs but I failed, my tears began to flow profusely. Oh crap, I don’t have hanky or tissue. I tried to wipe it out by my own hands. My seatmates are starting to stare at me, puzzled. I think they pitied me also, thinking that maybe I have tons of personal problems that’s why I’m weeping and it’s not just an ordinary weeping, I’m howling! Good thing I’m sitting at the backside of the church and a very few people noticed it.

I really tried my best to control it but the more I try, the more I cry. I was helpless. I ask the Lord to help me stop and surprisingly it gradually stops. There is a moment that I ask myself why am I crying? I was overwhelmed with the answered prayer given by our loving Lord. He is really very sweet. I was so happy and I admit I didn’t manage to focus on the rest of the mass.

My heart is full of gratitude. I’ll be home in few days and the new chapter of my life is yet to come. It’s very exciting, I can’t wait for it.

May God bless my decision.

Thank you Lord for giving us Ondoy.. October 7, 2009

Posted by Jorge in Personal Thoughts, Prayers.
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It sounds weird but I truly thank God for giving us Ondoy..

It is because I believe that in every tragedy, there is always something to be thank for.

I thank the Lord that my sister and her husband are safe.

I thank the Lord that the Filipinos are now uniting and willing to help each other.

I thank the Lord for the other nations who gave us help financially.

I thank the Lord for all the blessing we’ve received after helping other people.

It was painful to see my country devastated by the disaster. It was painful that many lives were taken. It was painful that many livelihood were shattered and it was painful to see the trauma caused by the calamity.

I pray to the Lord that we can survive this just like before. I pray to Him that we can accept and be strong enough to face the difficulties of recovering from the tragedy. I pray that our country will be spared from any other calamities or at least be ready when it happens again.

Amen.

Great time to be a Filipino September 30, 2009

Posted by Jorge in Personal Thoughts.
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Please visit this link.

Great time to be a Filipino.

Miracles September 25, 2009

Posted by Jorge in Personal Thoughts, Prayers.
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I am one of the Catholics who believes in miracles. Miracles which we can see in our everyday lives. Miracles that we can experience every now and then.

We do not need spectacular miracles for us to believe. We just need to have faith.

I am a simple guy with simple thoughts… I believe in miracles when I heard God’s calling eventhough I know myself that I am not worth it.

I believe that it is a miracle when I woke in the morning alive and healthy.

.. when I have food for breakfast and for the rest of the day.

.. when I have enough money to spend for my trips and for the things I want to buy.

.. when my family and friends are in great condition.

.. when I my notebook is still working and I can write blog about it.

.. when my colleagues and my boss are in the good mood every single day.

.. when I manage to fix the problem of my internet browser.

.. when I have clothes to wear.

.. when I can pray even when I’m toxic at work.

.. when I manage solve problems at work and at home.

.. when I have spacious room and comfortable bed to stay at night.

.. when I have no enough space to write down all the miracles I received.

There are tons of miracles everyday and I’m so glad I can see some of them. Although sometimes I was blinded by my greediness and selfishness.

Let us pray..

Oh Lord, thank you for your wonderful blessings and miracles every day. We may open our eyes and hearts to see and appreciate your gifts, and we may use it for your greater Glory. Amen.

Foreign Faiths September 15, 2009

Posted by Jorge in Personal Thoughts.
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I always wanted to write about this but memory keeps on blocking it. It may sound a little old but then, thanks God I remember this one.

Three years ago, in one sunny afternoon, I planned to go to ‘the peak’ in Genting Highlands alone for nothing. I just want to breath some air eventhough I’m breathing the freshest air ever in my place. It’s just, I want a breather. In short, I need a break after work so I decided to go up alone and take the bus.

There are so many seats available and yet I sit down beside an old Indian guy at the front portion of the bus.

He looked at me once.

He looked at me twice.

Me, feeling uneasy, looked at him too. Wondering maybe there’s some dirt on my face or maybe he is someone I know that I just couldn’t recognize at the moment.

He speak at last, ‘are you a filipino?’

And I said, ‘yes‘. Puzzled yet I smiled. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, this is the first person who asked me if I am a filipino. Mostly, they would ask me if I’m chinese or local malaysian kasi they say, especially when I blend with them, kamukha ko sila.

and you are Catholic? aren’t you?’ his follow up question.

yes, I am‘ I answered. I will tell you honestly, I was so surprised when he asked me about my religion. Never in my entire life that someone whom I do not know ask about my faith.

And then he continued, ‘oh, you should have great faith too! I admire filipinos for having such faith and freedom!

Gulp…

I truly believe in Jesus and I love Mary too!

Jaws dropped…

OMG, I can’t believe we are talking about Jesus and Mary! I can’t believe what I’m hearing that time, he admire filipinos for having such faith? I can’t believe this is happening, we are talking about faith in the bus, with people who I assumed will not understand because they are not Catholics.

I was speechless.. I was caught by this wonderful surprise. I don’t even remember how I reacted when he was speaking. I don’t know what to feel, should I be flattered that a foreigner admire filipinos for our faith? great faith? Is it true? For what I know, mas maraming pilipino ang ‘mababaw’ ang pananampalataya, may mga taong nagsisimba lang kung may binyag, kasal o libing or worse, nde talga nagsisimba. May mga pilipinong nde naniniwala sa Diyos o galit sa Diyos dahil nde nasusunod ang kanilang kagustuhan o dahil nde sila bilib sa pari sa kanilang parokya.

Kaya natanong ko sa sarili ko on that very moment.. ‘Should I feel flattered or should I feel ashamed?

Last June, umattend ako ng Vocation Seminar led by Fr. Larry, SJ in Janda Baik in Kuala Lumpur and when he shared his vocation story, there was a time that he prayed infront of the Blessed Sacrament and he saw this guy, same age as his, praying devotedly so he asked him what is he praying for, is he praying for his vocation too? And he said ‘Yes, I’m praying for my vocation. I’m praying to the Lord if my girlfriend is really worth marrying for. I love her so much that’s why I wanted to know if she is really His gift for me.’

My jaws dropped again after three years. I never heard such faith in my entire life! Fr. Larry said they are still good friends and he is happily married. Seriously, I was so moved about this story that I almost burst into tears. I don’t know anybody who did this kind of thing, do you?

Again, last month when Bro. Gerard took his final vow, I met this lady in the reception. She introduced herself as Anne and she is a very typical chinese in her early 30’s, jolly, talks a lot and smiles a lot.

She said, she saw me during the mass and she wanted to know me since I was alone. She introduce me to some group of youngsters who are involved with church organizations. We socialize and we chat a lot. Everytime we have good things to say, she would say ‘thanks to Jesus, without Him I would be nothing’. For the nth time, my jaws dropped again. I can see the sincerity on her words, she really mean it! And we didn’t talk anything else except our faith. How’s the medicine affect their faith in decision making (doktor kasi ung isa), and Annie will share her story about her husband (apparently her husband is currently working in the church too), ung isa naman, how their group help the needy students, and me, of course I opened up about my desire to become a priest and they are all very happy, they never say ‘sayang ka or you can serve God in other way, you will be poor, etc..’, they are very supportive and they promised prayers for me.

I know you will violently react to this one pero sa nakikita ko, they really have deep faith. Siguro dahil na rin sa pinipigilan sila ng muslim government. I remember the old time after Jesus’ death, the apostle’s persecution when they are proclaiming their faith. Lalong sumisidhi ang pananampalataya kapag pinipigilan, ika nga. Ganito kasi dito sa Malaysia, wala silang freedom to choose their religion kaya ganun nalang siguro ang kanilang pananampalataya sa Panginoon.

That’s why they are admiring us for our faith and freedom.

But the question is, do we deserve such admiration?

Sa pilipinas, ang mga nakakausap ko lang about God and religion ay ang mga pari, madre at mga relihiyoso. Mayroon bang nag uusap tungkol sa Panginoon sa loob ng bus, LRT o jeep? Sa mga pagtitipon o party, may nagkkwentuhan ba tungkol sa Panginoon o kung pano sila tumutulong sa mga tao para sa Panginoon? Siguro karamihan ay nag uusap tungkol sa kanilang kayamanan, sa kanilang career, sa kanilang boyfriends o girlfriends, sa kanilang sex life o sa kanilang mga adventures.. nakakalungkot.

Manalangin tayo…

O Panginoon, nawa ay mabigyan nyo kami ng mas malalim na pananampalataya at maging mabuting Kristyano na tunay na naniniwala at naglilingkod sa Iyo. Amen.

Courage September 10, 2009

Posted by Jorge in Personal Thoughts.
3 comments

Madami akong gustong isulat, maraming dumadaan sa isip ko, pero kapag nagsimula na akong magsulat, isa isa na itong nawawala.. nakakafrustrate talaga minsan, pero iniisip ko, mas gusto siguro ni Lord na sa aming dalawa nalang ang aming pag uusap.

Nakausap ko ulet si Bro. Jun-g tungkol sa pag uwi ko. Tinanong nya ako kung nakapag exam na daw ba ako at nainterview. Well, I admit, marami pa akong nde alam kaya kung ano ano ang sagot ko, hehehe..

Isa si Bro. Jun-g sa mga sumusuporta sa aking bokasyon. Nagpapasalamat ako sa Diyos at nakilala ko sya kahit sa facebook lang. Isa sya sa mga nagpapalakas ng loob ko at tumutulong sa akin in any way. Nagpapasalamat ako at naniniwala sya sa akin.

Nuong una, pinapanalangin ko na magkaroon ako ng sapat na lakas ng loob para sa decision ko. Nde ko namalayan, natupad na pala ang aking panalangin. Unti unti ko na palang naoovercome ang mga pangamba ko sa buhay, although natatakot parin ako paminsan minsan, eto parin ako at lalong tumitindi ang pagnanasa.

Nung kachat ko kanina si Bro. Jun-g, narealize ko na kaya ko na palang iwan ang trabaho at career ko. I already set my mind na uuwi ako this October kahit walang kasiguruhan ang naghihintay sa akin duon. Sa totoo lang, wala akong idea kung anong mangyayari sa akin duon. Nangangapa parin ako at naghihintay ng mga replies sa email at texts.

Sa totoo lang, binibigyan ako ng boss ko ng mas magandang offer, wag lang akong umuwi. Sana daw magstay ako at least until June 2010. Nakakatakam ang mga offers sa akin, kung tutuusin, mas marami akong matutunan, maeexperience at kikitain. Pero padlock susi kamatis na talga ang decision ko, it’s time for me to give Lord the priority He deserved.

Nde ko alam kung saan nanggagaling ang lakas ng loob ko. Nde ko alam kung bakit ganito nlng kalakas ang pananalig ko na para dito talaga ako. Wala akong plano para sa sarili ko pag uwi ko, pero I truly trust the Lord kaya alam kong nde nya ako pababayaan. Ang gaan ng feeling. Kakaiba.

Tinanong ako ni bro. jun-g if in case, nde ako makapasa, ano ang balak ko? Sa totoo lang, wala akong plan B. Kung nde man ako pumasa, tsaka nalang ako gagawa ng panibagong plano. Basta sa ngaun, focus muna ako sa pagsagot sa tawag ng Panginoon.

O Diyos, sa mga panahong may mga bagay na walang kasiguruhan, tulungan Nyo nawa akong magtiwala sa Iyo at mabigyan Nyo nawa ako ng sapat na lakas na tanggapin kung ano man ang Inyong plano para sa akin. Amen.

Confessions in the Office September 8, 2009

Posted by Jorge in Personal Thoughts.
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Madalas kong makausap si Jose sa facebook chat at masayang masaya ako dahil may nakakausap akong nagddiscern ng bokasyon na tulad ko.
Madalas naming kinukumusta ang isa’t isa, nagbabahaginan ng experiences at nararamdaman. Nakakagulat isipin na maraming bagay ang pinagkatugma namin.
Isa na dito ang pagkakaroon ng takot o fear. Maraming bagay ang kitakatakutan ko. Isa na dito ang takot sa pag iwan sa buhay sa labas. May maganda akong trabaho at sweldo, mabuting mga kasamahan, mabait at maunawaing boss, walang problema sa pinansyal, mga tunay na kaibagan at sumusuportang pamilya. Natatakot akong iwan sila. Natatakot akong mawala sila sa aking paningin. Natatakot akong mahiwalay sa kanila dahil sila ang pinagmumulan ng aking lakas.
Ang isa ko pang kinakatakutan ay ang rejection at failure. Paano kung sa kabila ng lahat ng pagtalikod ko sa mga bagay sa mundo ay malaman kong nde pala ako para sa pagpapari? Paano kung nde ko makaya ang mga prerequisites na kinakailangan para makapasa bilang pari? Paano kung nde ako maging effective? Paano kung nde ako makatulong sa mga taong nangangailangan? Paano kung magkasakit ako? Mapahamak?… Natatakot ako.
Natatakot din ako sa sasabihin ng ibang tao. Maraming nde makakaintindi o makakaunawa. Maraming masasaktan, iiyak at malulungkot…

Ilang minuto lang ang nakakalipas at nakapagdasal ako ng mataimtim. Gumaan ang aking pakiramdam, napawi lahat ng aking pangamba at mga iniisip. Napakagandang experience! Thank God that He send me back on track pagkatapos ng ilang linggong dryness. Lahat ng takot ko ay unti unting nawala.. Para akong isang batang yumakap sa kanyang ina pagkatapos makaramdam ng takot. Unti unting tumahan at nakaramdam ng tamang proteksyon at pagmamahal.
Kasunod nito ay nabasa ko ang isa sa paborito kong verses sa bible, ang Psalm 56:4-5 na nagsasabi: But when I am afraid, O Mighty One, I put my trust in You, in God whose word I praise, in God I trust without fear. What can mortals do against me?
Napakapowerful ng verse na ito at talgang tumagos sa puso ko. Isa ito sa mga direktang sagot sa aking panalangin. Bakit nga ba ako matatakot kung ang kakampi ko ay ang Diyos? Ang Diyos na makapangyarihan, ang Diyos na mapagmahal, ang Diyos na mapagpatawad at ang Diyos na tumatawag sa akin? Alam kong nde nya ako pababayaan. Kaya nga kapag nagdadasal ako, lagi kong sinasabi sa Kanya, ‘Oh Lord, if you are really calling me, please take care of everything, please take care of me.’

Amen.

Insecurities August 27, 2009

Posted by Jorge in Personal Thoughts.
7 comments

Masaya ako lately dahil dumadami ang mga kaibigan ko online. Humingi ako ng tulong kay Bro. Jun-g para malaman ko kung sino sino ang mga nasa arvisu para maiadd ko sa facebook at makipagkaibigan.

It is God’s will kung matatanggap ako sa arvisu this october pag uwi ko. Depende kasi sa decision ni Fr. Xave. Kailangan daw muna akong umattend ng retreat at interview ulet. Hays, doble doble na ang kaba ko, pano nalang kung nde ako pumasa? Sayang naman ng career na ginive up ko, di ba? Pero okay lang, kung ano ng talagang plano sakin ng Diyos, yun ang dapat kong tanggapin.

Inadd ko ang binigay ni bro. jun-g na accounts sa facebook at masaya ako dahil inaccept din nila agad. Una kong nakachat at nakabiruan si Marlon. Naku, isang masayahing bata.. bata? Oo, bata pa sya, 23 years old palang sya, kung ikukumpara sa edad ko eh may karapatan syang tawagin akong kuya, hehehe.. Lagi kong nakikitang online si Marlon sa facebook (ako pala ang laging online, toinks!), at kung may pagkakataon, nagbibiruan kami sa chat at nagkukwentuhan ciempre tungkol sa buhay sa arvisu at aming bokasyon.

Magkasunod na nagaccept sina Ernie at TJ. Nagsend ako ng email sa knila at nagpapasalamat ako dahil mababait naman sila at very accomodating. Un nga lang, nde ko pa sila nakakachat kaya nde ko pa sila nakakakwentuhan ng matagal unlike Marlon.

Nakita ko ang isang Note Post ng Arvisu at nasilip kong may mga nakatag. Gusto ko pang madagdagan ang mga kaibigan ko kaya inaadd ko ang mga ilan sa mga nakatag na pangalan duon. Isa na dito si Jose na taga Pangasinan. Isa syang dentista at nag iisang anak. Coolness din itong si kapatid, madami kaming pinagkapareho ng vocation story at ng pagddiscern. Unang email palang nagclick na agad kami at nagkaintindihan ng saloobin. Malaking pasasalamat ko dahil nakatagpo ako ng mga online friends with the same perspective.

Bakit naman ‘Insecurities’ ang title ng blog ko gayong maganda naman ang nagiging resulta ng paghahanap ko ng mga kaibigan?

Hindi ko alam.

Ayoko namang sabihin na insecure ako, ang pangit naman yatang pakinggan pero sa nakikita ko sa facebook shout outs ang mga thoughts nila, oh man, ang lalalim!

Minsan tuloy naiisip ko, makaya ko kayang ipasa ang mga exams sa seminaryo? What if I failed? What if I found out that I can’t do it? What if maging source ako ng kahihiyan sa mga Jesuits? Kilala ang mga Jesuits for having superb minds.. What if, what if?

Aaminin ko, minsan nde ko ginagamit ang utak ko, makakalimutin at tamad sa pag-aaral. Nde ganun kalalim ang aking bokabolaryo sa english at minsan mali mali pa ang mga grammar. Naiintimidate ako minsan sa mga taong gumagamit ng mga malalalim na vocabulary, ung tipong kakailanganin mo lagi ng oxford sa tabi mo. Minsan, sinisisi ko ang bansang napuntahan ko, nakakabobo kasi ang trabaho ko, ang mga kasamahan ko sa work, ang environment at lahat lahat na.. pero nde dapat, wala akong dapat sisihin sa mga nangyayari sa akin dahil biyaya ito ng Diyos. I should be glad… I actually am.

In contrary, there is some part of my brain talking to me that I shouldn’t worry. I don’t need deep vocabulary to find true happiness and to serve His people. I don’t need to feel insecure for others because in the first place, they are not the main reason why I will enter the seminary. It is God who should I please and serve.

Please help me to pray:

Oh Lord, you are most powerful and the most generous God. Please help me with this ordeal, help me to overcome this insecurities with your most loving comfort and your most gracious love. Amen.

Dreams August 25, 2009

Posted by Jorge in Personal Thoughts.
2 comments

We all know that one of God’s way of communicating is thru dreams.

I guess you already read my entry about my nightmare not so long ago. It was really terrifying. Until now I don’t know what is it’s meaning.

When I attended the Vocation Silent Retreat here in Kuala Lumpur, I managed to talk about my dreams with Fr. Larry Tan, SJ. He is very open and very nice to talk with. I opened up about my nightmares and my other ‘meaningful’ dreams and ask him to guide me to translate its meaning.

I still remember what he said to me when we were sitting in each other’s couch. ‘It is only you who can truly translate those dreams, all I can do is to guide you..’

We were driving on a deserted place with nowhere to go. I was with two other good friends, good friends that I don’t really even know. I just can feel they are special and dear to me. Huminto kami sa gilid ng bangin at namangha sa nakita namin. Isang malawak na karagatan at sa kabila at isang isolated island. It seems like it was an abandoned city. Eventhough its quiet far, I can see that it is empty. Bigla nalang akong kinilabutan at parang natakot habang tinitingnan ko ang isla na yon.

For no apparent reason, we decided to jump on the water. Napakataas na bangin at ang babagsakan ang malalim at malawak na tubig. May phobia ako sa heights pero sa pagkakataon na iyon ay wala akong takot, dahil siguro alam kong may mga kasama ako. When we reach the water, we were suddenly in a small craft, unharmed and dry.

I got a spooky feeling about this island and it gets creepier when I look at it. It was like it is a place for sadness, emptyness and pain and nobody should go at least near it.

Then suddenly came from nowhere, there was a speed boat full of people going towards the island. Me and my friends are in a very small boat and we try to warn them not to go to that island but they speed up and left. We try to paddle as hard as we could but we were helpless….

Fr. Larry guided me and I got the meaning of that dream gradually. I’m so glad that someone helped me. I know it was not just an ordinary dream, I know God has His message on it because until now it is still vivid and I think it will be tattooed forever on my mind.

Please help me to pray:

Oh Lord, you are so loving and sweet. Thank you for your grace of understanding and wisdom that I heard what you want to convey. Continue to give me a clear mind to see what’s next.. Amen.